I am feeling philosophical today.
I know QiaoEn said it makes people crazy, but I'm feeling very philo today so just ignore this post. I'm only putting it here because I want to put it somewhere, and it won't fit in with my other works on dA.
Yeah.

And it's about death.
What if right now, I drop dead of, say, an unknown disease? Maybe it'll be cancer, maybe the headache I've been having isn't just a headache, and the radiation from my tablet has gotten to me and has caused leukaemia.
Quote Haseena, "You never know."
And she's right. You'll never know. In fact you know what? Forget diseases. What if I walk out right now to join my sister and my mom for dinner, and I slam right into a car? In fact, there's construction work being done right outside my house. What if I walk out right now, and something flies at me and kills me immediately?
If someone I really loved said this, I would freak out. I would tell her not to walk out, to watch out for cars, to get away from the tablet, to do anything she can to avoid dying, to avoid leaving me forever. But can we prevent that? Can we really do that? Quote, "You can't keep the person wrapped up in cotton wool forever." And it's true - you can't. You can never predict whatever's going to happen next. What if it's nothing I just mentioned, and it's the stupid insect that's been flying around you? What if that's an Ades mosquito or something, and it just gave you dengue? You never know.
If I died now, though, I would probably regret it. I want to do so many things. I want to take my A Math paper, I want to apologise to friends I've been neglecting and/or treating like crap, PeiJie, Samuel Fang, Haseena, Rebecca. I want to be able to celebrate my fifteenth birthday, I want to have a boyfriend, I want to go to America, I want to fix my tablet, I want to fix my iPod, I want to attend my sister's wedding, I want to get married, I want to do so many things in the future. Whether when I'm twenty, thirty.. I would never know how these things feel like because well, I died when I was fifteen.
You're probably saying now, Kimberly, these things don't happen all the time. In fact, they don't happen around us, like, ever. I know. If I wasn't feeling philosophical today, I wouldn't have thought about it either. But think about this: It really could happen, anytime, anywhere. They think that they've predicted 2012, well, fine. But they didn't predict 911. Nor the Tsunami. You can't just predict catastrophes.
This isn't a suicide note. If you think about it, don't you agree that most that I've written is true? I mean, life is great now for me. I've been enjoying my life thus far, frankly. S2A's great; Ermy's hilarious, Amelia's fun, I'm anticipating going out with Khairunnisa and PeiJie and Melissa and all that. EXCO's not good but it's getting better; and I want the best for them. My family's been awesome; they might not know what I've been going through and all that because I said nothing, but I know they would give me their fullest support if I told them my problems. Bronte... Bronte is Bronte. Things aren't within my control but I know it's in good hands because Alyssa's one of the best leaders I've met, and Nina. Enough said. She doesn't know but I treat her like my mentor.
All in all, if my life ended right now, I wouldn't regret that I never took time out to appreciate the better side of my life, and I wouldn't regret thinking the worst out of everything, because I've learnt so much in Sec 3, and one of the things I've learnt is that thinking the worst out of everything won't make them better. In fact, it'll make you feel lousy about it. But although I won't regret those things, I definitely will selfishly regret the fact that I never got to do things that I wanted to do, and never got to properly appreciate my friends for being there for me.
You're always afraid of things you don't understand, they say. If that's true, then I am afraid of death. I don't know what it holds, where you go, how it feels like. And frankly, because I love the status quo, I don't want to know yet. When I'm ready, I think I'd know, like Shane's grandmother. But then again, you just never know. You never know when your life ends, and whether life will be kind enough like it was to Shane's grandmother to let you get ready for death. It probably won't be.
Call me pessimistic, but you know it's true. Life is never fair. And though it's been kind to me thus far, things can change tomorrow, if not tomorrow then maybe the day after that.
You never know.









I'm done being philosophical. It's depressing. How does Mr Poon do it?