Dear Rudolf
Hey Rood! I haven't talked to you in a while. In fact, the last time I wrote to you was a few years back. And it was always during Christmas. And now it's... Not so Christmas.
Well.
But Rood! You can't IMAGINE what it was like writing letters to the North Pole during Christmas. Fat Kids were EVERYWHERE, hoping dearly that Mum's cookie recipe would lure Santa into reading their letter and granting their wishes. (I'm telling you, ten to one, they woke up in the middle of the night and polished off those cookies. "Eff Santa!" They probably thought.)
So how's it been over at the North Pole, Rood? Things aren't too rosy over here in Kovan. I just got ten thousand amazing songs (Mostly legal, Rood. Don't get your bridle into a bunch.) in my iTunes, but it can't sync into my iPod. Do you think you can, maybe, perhaps, do the whole magic pumpkin twinkle thingy you did for Cousin Mac? Please?
And with regards to your question, no, Rood, I haven't been cheating on my five boyfriends. Honest to the lights above me. Besides, Dave, Lucas, Shane, Anthony and Ian probably already know about each other. And please, it's not like Santa's put me on the Naughty List '10 for having more than one boyfriend, right? ... You didn't tell him, did you Rood? You'd better not. Or maybe Lucas is right. Christmas IS creepy.
Oh, Rood! I almost forgot to ask about Santa. How is he? Is he still eating that many calories a day? I TOLD you, cookies should be eaten with low-fat milk. If he still doesn't take that advice, you and your colleagues are doomed. I'm not kidding, dear. Just find a way to replace it, for your friends if not yourself.
And thanks for asking, Rood. Pepper is fine. She's still acting a little weird though. She upwrapped a Christmas ornament shaped like a present and took out the little styrofoam cube in it. Now there're white bits all over the place, and there's a white ball of styrofoam just sitting there waiting to be attacked again. I told you not to throw those at her during your visit! Now look what happened. And WE have to clean it up. Thanks, Rood.
I think I've covered about everything, eh, Rood? We'll talk during your next visit. But keep writing back!
Love
Kimberly

P.S. During your next visit, can you not land on the roof like you always do? We lost a few tiles up there, and Mum threw a fit. Thanks.