Are you guys SURE it's EE-ehn?

Okay anyway.
Splum dumplings sound gross.
Maybe I should do a book quote. And see who can guess which book I took it from. Wahaha.

1. "He's bound to come out in the wash. They always do."
2. "And we were just there, you and I."
3. "You can do it, Dara."
4. Bile rose in her throat and she ran to the bathroom, where she collapsed to her knees before the toilet.
5. "Ahn-dre-ah? Hello? Is anyone there? Ahn-dre-ah!"

Thank you to all books mentioned above.

I feel like puking.
Okay, no I don't, but I don't want to go for Guides tomorrow.
I don't want to study insanely for a test that won't help me in life. I don't want to run from place to place, getting shouted at for having an asthma attack. I don't want to march around the court in a circle, getting laughed at by other UGs. I don't want the other CCAs looking at us enviously, wishing they were in Guides, since it's 'so slack'. I don't want to hear someone telling me something which I KNOW isn't true, but I can't tell the person off for accusing me.
I don't want the misery.
I don't want to suffer anymore.
I don't want to go for Guides ever again.
I don't want to get lied to over and over again.
I don't want to hear all the irritating lies or comments.
"You'll get through this, Kimberly." "At least it's over now." "If you quit now, all your points will be gone." "I don't want you to dangle between two CCAs." "Why do you hate Guides?" "You can't quit." "I'll have to run this by her." "Can you go now? Hurry up!"
And the worst thing, because I know it's true:
"Then what do you want to join instead?"

I don't like them asking us to do stuff without a simple please nor a thank you.
I don't like them saying we've done something wrongly when we followed exactly what they said.
I don't like them asking us to go to stuff that's optional, then lying to us and telling us we have to go to it.
I don't like them asking us to hurry up, when we're running.
I don't like them telling us they've done something wrong but we're expected to act according to the right one without expecting an apology.
I don't like them expecting us to apologise and get punished for something we didn't do.
I don't like them always accusing us.
I don't like them acting like we make their lives suck.
I don't like other people saying I can't say bad things about that.
And most of all I hate myself for letting my negatvity towards the whole thing affect other people and make them change their view about Guides. I know even after I say, "But don't let this affect your choice." their view is already doubted. I don't like the way my hatred for this has seeped into my life and I find myself stressing about polishing and ironing on Sundays when I should be doing homework, or clipping my nails.
And in the end, after all this, what do I do?
I still go. I still wear my uniform as perfectly as I can. I still polish my badge. I still run with no complaints (to them, at least). I still study. I still give my best. I still go home feeling knackered, wishing I never joined this torture camp.
And what do I get for all that?
Nothing.
Nothing but CCA points. I don't even learn stuff from this. I don't even derive JOY from this, for God's sake.
And I only have myself to blame.






Why oh why do I even bother typing these long long essays.