I really hate this.
I don't know what I hate. I'm just so confused, and even now I'm setting my speech for English class to be what I'm confused about.

My speech will be about joy.
Joy is when you feel good about something, a magical feeling that causes smiles and laughter. People always say, when they were in school, their lives were fantastically joyful.
But what about me? How is my school life, my CCA?
I do not like my CCA. Anyhow, I do not like what everyone is saying about it.
How many people have actually said, "If I could change my CCA, I would probably go to Guides because it is fun and slack."?
Answer? A lot.
I'm not saying that Guides is perfect; I'm not saying Guides is the toughest CCA ever. I'm just saying, it's not as simple as you people think it is.
Let's take the campfire for instance. Everyone is usually caught saying, "Oh, how hard can it be? You just make the fire with logs, forming an asterisk, then pop it onto this metal rack thingy, and lastly, throw in a matchstick. For the whole campfire emcee thing? Just get two random people and say a few words, kick in the campfire, and act high while their comrades stick around singing the campfire songs."
And is that remotely true; even close? No.
I can't share any of our trade secrets, as my senior calls them, but we are definitely not slack. Sure, we don't look as smart as the Red Cross, the NPCC or the NCC, but we are definitely a proper CCA. We do not deserve the stares and glares we get from some people as we march, or as we do things as a group. Just because we're a UG but are not as disciplined as the others does NOT mean that we're having an awesome time every single day, slacking around, baking cookies, spreading 'love' to all around the world. Not all of us prance around saying we love our CCA so much we can live it everyday. Some of us live our lives in pain everyday trying to quit this thing, causing stress and triggering off stress-related asthma attacks.
When people tell me I can't quit and name all the reasons why, like the CCA points, and whatnot, I tell them I really hate this Torture Camp, and I want to get out of it. Then they ask, "What do you want to join instead?" And I realise they're right. What can I join? Moreover, it's not all that bad really, just a bit tough, and the points are good, why waste it all when I've endured everything they held for a year?" But what really annoys me is that after I think that way things just crash down on me, and the feeling that I'm being in something that I hate and I can't stand comes back, every time even stronger. That feeling just crashes around me and won't go away, until it finally fades, but someone will tell me all about not quitting all over again. It's an extremely vicious cycle that will probably never end, until I graduate or transfer out.
When they say they loved studying and missed their school life, I will have my doubts. How nice can a school be if you are constantly living in a world that can't give you even a bit of joy?